Britney's a witch?!?!

Yes, Britney has problems, but I think pretty soon we're all going to have problems if we aren't careful about what we say about her-or about her beloved Cheetos, Ho-hos, ding-dongs, etc. I have a theory-a conspiracy theory, if you will-that Britney is a witch, the powers of which we have not seen since Salem circa 1692. Those catchy late 90s lyrics have turned out not to be just #1 hits but serious foreshadowing.

Take for example the line, "I'm not that innocent." No shit. That has become the understatement of the year. We were all a lot more innocent before she paraded her unclothed snatch around town. Oh, the good old days where she just wore a pink thong over her pants. "Oops, I did it again" could apply to a lot of things in her life, like going to and immediately leaving rehab, dropping one of her kiddos, getting married... The list is really endless, so let's chalk this one up to coincidence. This one can't be that easily dismissed though: "You drive me crazy..." Clearly someone has. When that song came out, K-Fed had not yet been unleashed on the world, but Brit Brit apparently knew it was coming. Knowing what we know now, "I'm a slave 4 U" is obviously about fried chicken and cigarettes and "baby one more time" is about having two babies in 13 months. "Toxic"? Clearly.

What will she do with these powers....who knows yet, but you better hurry up and boil an eye of newt and frog's leg before she casts a spell on all of us--I can't spend the rest of my life turned into a chocolate covered pork rind.

Oh, and a couple other notes. First, nice to see that she takes her shit-eating rodent more places than her kids these days. But seriously, who wants those brats tagging along anyway? Responsibility is for those too lazy not to pass it off. And C, she kind of frightens me with that shaved head. Maybe she'll start a Fight Club and something decent will come out of this.

HC