Spears slutty again, Love Hewitt & Aniston bikini clad & Posh's pokies

-- Well, hope everyone had a good weekend. So, I opened up my email this morning to see if there was any celebrity naughtiness this past weekend, and what do I find but more Britney Spears pictures. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. They aren't even that special anymore, this time it was just a lace dress number that you can probably pick up at Ho's - R - Us for $9.99 and some pink underwear. Woo-hoo! Way to spice it up Britney. She should really just start wearing pasties and a loincloth. Or better yet, nude colored underwear with pictures of her nips and vag taped to the front. That's classy with a capital K. If you want to see the Queen of White Trash, here she is here and here.

-- Anyway now that I'm done with my requisite Britney / Lindsay / Paris story, on to some better stuff. Like Jennifer Love Hewitt in a bikini. JLove is a sly little girl, always covering herself up so you can't see her enormous chest. Well this bikini isn't hiding a thing. Good for us. Maybe next time we see her she'll be wearing a different suit. It starts with "Birt" and ends with "day".




-- And now in a shocking move, I have more bikini pictures, this time of Jennifer Aniston. Now Aniston has really been out of the public eye ever since her divorce from Brad Pitt. Even when she was dating Vince Vaughn, you didn't see them much unless they were watching the Cubs lose. Well here she is at the beach and I'll tell you something. When did she get that sweet ass? If I'd known she had that when Friends was on, I might have actually watched it. Or at least fast forwarded through it to scenes with Aniston. Maybe she got it as part of the divorce settlement with Pitt. Like maybe it was an ass that he had caught on a safari in Africa and brought it back, but once they split everything, the ass was hers.






-- I know these pictures of Victoria Beckham are old, but I'll tell you one thing I like is, see-through tops and nipples. So, if I want to show pictures of Posh from last year here, here, here, and here that are see-through, I'll damn well do it. If I want to show see through pictures of Eleanor Roosevelt I'll do that too. Don't tempt me. Anyway, I like personally like these pics of Posh because she doesn't look like a mannequin or that she belongs at Madame Tussuad's. She actually looks pretty hot. Even if her nipples look like they belong in Area 51 with the rest of the flying saucers around here. And speaking of those cruise missiles she calls boobs, if you want a decent view of them sans clothing check them out here.

-- And to finish up, I have a couple SNL notes for you. The first one is a hilarious video for you from this past Saturday Night's show. It's called Cock in a Box, and it is comedy gold.





And the second is a picture of Amy Poehler topless on the beach. And no, I'm not kidding. And yes, you may throw up after looking at this picture. And no, I'm not taking any responsibility for your medical bills. And yes, I did look at it and may be permanently scarred. So I leave it up to you if you want to check out what looks to be the whitest woman on the planet sunning topless.


HC

Halloween was actually scary in Hollywood

I thought Scarlett and Gisele's costumes were bad enough, and I had hoped that would be the end to this ridiculousness. I was wrong.

Here's what went horribly wrong this Halloween --


Paris showed up as a "sexy" cop. Here's the easy joke: I guess she can handle all of the breathalizer tests for the force. Oh wait, you can't test BAC down there... Here's the creative joke: I guess the K-9 unit is off tonight...



Lindsay showed up in a leotard and leg warmers. Wow, a lot of thought went into that one. Why didn't she just come in a flight suit with the "Danger Zone" playing in the background?






Hillary Duff came as a bad version Lindsay Lohan. She could have at least come dressed in a giant ball of red yarn if she wanted to look like Firecrotch. And what's up with the UPS guy in the pictures? Did they pick him up off the street? He looks like he won some contest and the only thing that could make him happier would be if Ryan Seacrest showed up to give him a reach-around.





Jennifer Love Hewitt pulled herself and her giant jugs out from under some rock to show up as Charlie Chaplin. Charlie Chaplin? Way to be current JLove. She looks more like Hitler than Chaplin anyway. Why didn't she just show up as Abraham Lincoln and her "companion" could have been a slave. Lame with a capital L.



Bill Maher came as "bad taste," and Chris Klein came as a greasy slice of pizza, which is only a decent costume because he usually looks like a turd that came from a giant slice of pizza.




Mariah Carey came as a Mer-man. Is it me or is she getting manly-er by the day? If she didn't have that giant weave and wasn't so top heavy, I'd expect half expect her to be standing next to me at the urinal.






Alyssa Milano came as a fairy. I really can't say anything bad about this one because she looks pretty damn hot. A+ in my book.



Heidi Klum and Seal came as some kind of Garden of Eden combo costume. See this is WAY too confusing. Seal is supposed to be Eve, a woman with blonde hair? But I thought Heidi was the woman... I guess Eve couldn't be preggo because THAT would have been way more inappropriate.




This is what Heidi should have come "dressed" as.

Xtina came as the Corpse Bride. And her douche-bag husband came as a corpse. Why does she hang out with this loser? He looks like he has the personality of one of her sex toys. He's changed her from a girl who wore ass-less chaps in a video to one who comes completely clothed to a Halloween party. And Halloween is the sexiest of all of the October Holidays!

I don't know who any of these girls are, but these are definitely the best costumes of the bunch....

HC