Bikinis for the new year!

So, I know it's been 2 weeks since I've posted and I'm not sure if anyone really cares, but I'm not making any excuses. Except of course that I'm one lazy bastard and that should be enough for all of you. So what I've decided to do is an entire post of bikinis because contrary to normal thinking, winter is bikini season. At least it is when you can head out to Fiji or the Caribbean for the holidays. My lame ass was stuck at home doing absolutely nothing but, watching football and eating bag after bag of Cheetos.

-- One thing first before I get on to the celebrity swimsuit show. Have you guys seen all of these clips of the Donald Trump / Rosie O'Donnell Feud? This stuff is pure comedy. I guess Rosie jabbed at The Donald for going easy on the stripper turned Miss USA last month. Well The Donald and his wacky hair have had some classic quotes. From calling her a "degenerate", "a slob", and "disgusting" he just keeps ranting daily about that fat cow. Personally, I find it completely hilarious. I mean, lets be serious. Being a big, fat dyke is no way to go through life.
Check out The Donald's videos here:

But since this is supposed to be a post filled with hotties, here are some nude pics of The Donald's current wife Melania. And damn is she a hottie, check her out here and here.

Grrrrrrrr.

-- Now on to the bikinis, first up we have Jessica's little sister making some news herself. No, she didn't have her face hit with a mallet again nor was she booed at the Orange bowl again. Ashlee Simpson was at the beach of course, in her bikini. What a weird body this girl has compared to her sister. Jessica has all the curves and Ashlee looks like an androgynous GI Joe action figure. Whatever, her nipple popped out of her bikini and that's all we really care about. At least all I care about.

-- Next up is Fantastic Four's Invisible Woman herself, Jessica Alba. Too bad her bikini isn't invisible but, we'll take whatever we can get. At least she's got some serious nipple action going on and a damn sweet booty. Too bad that bikini combo looks like Stevie Wonder picked it out...

-- Now we have Jessica Biel playing some form of beach ping pong on the beach. What the hell kind of game is that? Whatever it is, if it contributed to her buff-ass arms, sign me up. What's weird is that the only games I play on the beach are "how much sand can I fill my crack with?" and "how many times can someone get sunburned before they learn their lesson?" - I'm currently at 212 times, beat that!

-- And last up in the bikini showdown is the MILF entry of the week in Catherine Zeta Jones. Damn she looks good for being in her late 30's and having popped out a couple kids. I guess she must be drinking some special potion or eating her husband's magic beans to keep looking so hot. Whatever it is, I could care less as long as she keeps showing off those sweet cans, and good lord she's got some great cans. She's my vote for hottest winter bikini wearer of '07.

-- And lastly, this isn't bikini related (well it could be, but I didn't feel like making anyone puke today), I just HAD to post the video of Tara Reid on New Years. First off, I don't know who would go to a party with Tara Reid as the host unless you were looking for a booze and drug fueled orgy - oh yeah...me. And second off, has she lost her mind? What a whack job. If I counted like that, I'd have 18 fingers and 4 peckers.

HC

Biel's booty, Salma stripping, and more

-- Jessica Biel has quite a ba-donk-a-donk. It's like a shelf. A fantastic shelf made of gold that serves free beer all day long. It really is a work of art. Screw Michelangelo and his sculptures. Jessica's booty is the new St. Bootylicious.



-- So I've never seen this Ugly Betty show, but I can only imagine it is about ugly people, circus performers and maybe carnies with a title like that. But, then I came along this clip from the show with smoking Salma Hayek. Grrrrrrrrr! I don't know if she is on this show all the time, and I seriously doubt I will ever watch a show about freaks, but that's an impressive rack. And what time is this TV show on? If it is on before 9PM, I'd be shocked if they let them show those milk-makers when kids could be watching. I'm just happy to see some new pics of Salma so I can try to replace the images of her and that uni-brow from Frida. Yuck.

Here's the YouTube clip:




More pics of Salma stripping...



-- Here are some pics of celebs in new magazines coming out this month. Should make for some sexy holiday reading!

First is Cameron Diaz in W Magazine. She looks pretty damn hot with those dark locks. I can't even name the last movie she was in though, so hopefully this was some press on something new she's coming out with.

Pics from the magazine:





Oops from the photo shoot:


--Next up is Monica Bellucci in GQ Magazine. She hasn't done much in the US since The Passion of the Christ, so like Diaz, lets hope this is a sign of more of her to come.







-- And last we have Jeri Ryan. Jeri's focused mainly on TV work the last couple of years and at age 38 (she turns 39 in 3 months) she's definitely an honorary member of the Diane Lane Hottie club. I need to find out where those monthly meetings are, that is one hot group of cougars...




HC

Posh's nipple, Biel's kiss, and Aguilera's hottness

– Fashion week was last week in NYC, and one of the best things to come out of it was the appearance of Victoria Beckham’s nipple. Posh Spice usually just flaunts her silicone chest through her shirt with her headlights on (as seen in the first picture with the pink jacket), but it looks like one of the twins snuck out of her black dress last week. Nipples want to see the fashions too. The real question I have is, are her nipples as fake as her boobs? I mean those water balloons are pumped up to maximum capacity and I just wonder if her nipples are actually that hard and pointy or if they’re just those plastic spouts they have on floats to blow them up. Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit. And when did she become an emotionless android? The computer in War Games showed more personality.

– In my perusing of the internet lately, I found some interesting pictures. Usually, the only pictures I ever seem to find of Jessica Biel are of her working out or running with her dogs or working out and running with her dogs. BORING! So when I found pictures of her making out with a GIRL, I felt inclined to post them for you guys. Now maybe she isn’t exactly making out, but that is only because the photographer was a little slow in squeezing off a picture because he was shocked by the sheer beauty of the kiss. At least that’s what I’m going to think. Plus with a tongue like that, the possibilities are just endless.

– My favorite little giraffe woman is in the news again and is quickly becoming cliche. I’m going to keep this short and sweet because I know you need your Lindsay Lohan fix that doesn’t involve a beaver. First of all, she broke her wrist last week –most likely rubbing one out for a Def Leppard roady. And then, she went to a birthday party for her mom Dina last week that ended when her mom got sloshed (while setting a stellar example) and Lindsay told her to “Go to Hell”. Now I don’t know about the birthday parties you guys go to, but at the ones I frequent, the mom usually doesn’t get hammered, and if she does we pretend not to notice. We certainly don’t tell her to go to hell. We just eat our cake and ice cream, and discretely spike our own cups of punch. The Lohans are classy though, so I’ve got to be the one doing it wrong.

– Proving that opposites attract, I provide Exhibit A: Christina Aguilera, who is smoking hot, and her husband who is probably suppsoted to be guarding a pot of gold. Look at him trying to kiss her. He looks like a monkey trying to lick a coconut. I seriously doubt they do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

– In what has become a national phenomenon, our WTF section brings you the cover photo to K-Fag’s new album. What on this cover would actually inspire someone to buy it? Maybe it’s the clean-cut image he’s portraying by not showing any of his poser tattoos. No, maybe it’s the cards and the smoking cigarette next to him. Nope, I’ve got it; it’s either the drink on fire or the sweet script in which ’Playing with Fire’ is written in. Yep, definitely the script. If there’s any justice in this world, the prankster who graffitied Paris’ album will get a hold of this one too. Although, what would he really do? Make K-Fed look like a smug, no-talent, piece of shit? Done and done.

– And one last note, is Pink hot or just a 12-year old boy? I’m totally confused.

HC