Stuff from all over - Thanksgiving edition

I needed to dedicate an entire post to Britney and her bald beaver, but there were plenty of other mildly interesting stories over the last week that I need to catch up on too.
So, away we go!

-- Oops Brit did it again. God that was lame. Anyway, in another attempt to show off her roast beef curtains, Britney was once again photographed without panties. You can check out her stubbly crotch here and here. But lets be honest here, Britney is going to need to step it up a notch to keep our attention. I'm looking for some kind of sex act performed on top of a limo. Or even a video where she goes to a comedy club and throws out racial slurs. Let's be original Britney, that hatchet-wound is yesterday's news. (Who am I kidding, of course I'll keep putting up her pics if she keeps flashing - I'm a T&A whore). Here are some other pics of Britney and her wacky boobs. What the hell is going on with them? They are swinging around in that tank top like she's got a couple cantaloupes attached to rubber bands in there. I don't think I've ever wanted to be a rubber band so badly....



-- Looks like Paris found a little time in between being Britney's BFF and snorting lines of coke, to get hammered with Sideshow Bob and let her boob fall out. But like I said with Britney, does this surprise anyone anymore? I mean, Paris has had a sex video that her parents are proud of, flashed her cooch half a dozen times and done multiple seasons of The Simple Life. Does it get much more degrading than that that? I'd love to see her serving me a Blizzard at Dairy Queen one day. If there is a God, this will happen. Here are the pictures of her drunk ass hanging on Senor Douche-bag and here's her boob for the ump-teenth time.





-- Ashley Judd is naked on the newest cover of Marie Clare magazine. Nothing too exciting, but naked none the less. Judging by the hits this site gets when we show Britney or Lindsay's who-ha's, I doubt any of you are big fans of Marie Clare. Why you ask? Probably because their headline articles this month are "My Baby or my Job" and no, this isn't the K-Fed story. Or how about these page-turners, "Be the life of the party (without the hangover)" or "Dress up for under $100". How can you be "the life of the party" and not have a hangover? Isn't that a requirement of being the life of the party. That's how my parties are at least; they don't get going until someone falls off of their barstool. And what are you dressing up for for less than $100? Your job at Goodwill? I can't go out without my frilly flamingo underwear and those run a cool G. Players will be players I guess.



-- Courtney Love got naked for some magazine in Europe and I can't tell if she's hot. From some angles she looks pretty hot, but from others she looks like the Marlboro Man or the lead singer from Twisted Sister. Check her out here, here, here, and here. She's turned down offers from Playboy and Penthouse in the past, so why did she do it now? Even a schoolgirl knows the weed is much better in Europe.

-- Sad news out of Hollywood when we all found out that Bob Ritchie and Pam Anderson were calling it quits after a whole 4 months. What a shocker. I wish I could bet on things like this. I would have easily laid down a grand on under a year for the length of this dirty union. Or if I could bet on which Olsen twin would get knocked up first, I'd put a ton on Mary Kate. We all know she's the slutty one.





-- I know I talked about Salma's boobs last week, but they've popped out again. These things are just masterpieces. Anyone who says there isn't a God should just gaze on those jumblies.







-- And last but not least, Ben Affleck brought a dude with him to some GQ event. Wha, wha, what? That's not a dude?? That's Jennifer Garner?!?!!?!? No f'ng way. Holy crap she looks like a transvestite hooker if I've ever seen one, and I've been to New Orleans and Cleveland, so I've seen plenty. Goo. I don't even know what to say. I'm just going to have to pretend these pictures never happened or pretend that I never worked one out to the pictures of her as Electra.






Okay, I should be decently caught up. New stuff from now on, as long as I don't continue to be a slack ass. Oh yeah, that probably won't happen.


HC

Weekend Watershed

-- Have you noticed that winter is coming? You can see the leaves changing, feel the crisp morning air when you get up and have probably noticed that the grass is pretty cold on your feet when you let the dog out in the morning to take his daily dump. Well there is another way that you can tell that the seasons are a changin' - nipples are on full alert all over town. My town, your town, all towns. Trust me, with a degree in nippleology, I've been studying this phenomenon for years. Well to prove it to you, here's Jennifer Garner and her pokies. If these pictures don't say "Wintertime" and "Christmas is right around the corner" then you are obviously blind and a damn fool.

-- Joss Stone was at a UK Hall of Fame event with a completely new look. And I am utterly confused. She was hot before like here and here and incredible in a bikini here. But now she's gone punk and dyed her hair red. I mean don't get me wrong, she's still hot, but now in a dirty, ass-less chaps in the French Quarter kind of way. I do rather enjoy the boot selection though. Too bad she didn't go to the Lindsay Lohan finishing school and "accidentally" flash her naughty bits.

-- Here we have some pictures of Scarlett in red, black, and nipply. I have no idea when these pictures are from, they could be from 3 years ago, or they could be from the party I had at my crib last night. All I know is that I don't think I've ever wanted to be a spider so much in my life.

-- I don't know what fountain of youth Elizabeth Hurley has been going to, but she needs to pass that info on. I think every time we see her, she looks better and better. Hurley falls right in line with the Diane Lane / Elle MacPherson / Renee Russo Hottie Posse. These women aren't just your dad's pin-ups anymore!

-- LOOK! OUT TO THE STARBOARD SIDE! IT'S THE ELUSIVE WHALETAIL! AND THE ALYSSA MILANO VERSION AT THAT. WHAT A SPECTACULAR DAY OUT ON THE OPEN SEAS TO SEE SUCH SIGHT.

HC

Underappreciated Hotties

Here at Holden's Rants, I felt like it would be a good time to give some press to some people that aren't always plastered on our site. That doesn't mean they aren't all over the Internet, it just means they haven't been on a trashy site like mine in a while.

First up, Jennifer Garner. Jennifer has been out of the spotlight after having her first child, Violet, with Ben Affleck almost a year months ago. Well now she's back and just as good as - or maybe better than - ever. I wonder if she's been working out twice as hard since Ben's career has gone down the toilet. How pissed must he be every time he sees a preview for a movie with his buddy Matt Damon. The only offers he's got these days are probably from Hollywood Squares, but at least he's got a hot sugar momma to make the payments on his hair plugs.




Next up Petra Nemcova. And Petra's legs. What kind of dipshit is James Blunt for cheating on this specimen?? He may have had a hit song last year, but the ability to write a horrible one hit wonder is nothing like the ability to make your legs into a pretzel. With you in the middle. What a fool. What could he possibly have found better than Petra? Unless he's looking for something I don't generally look for...like maybe a dude...Here are some pics of Petra and her legs...




And here are some of Petra topless, just for good measure...

Now we have the only hot member of the octogenarian club. Sharon Stone may not really be 80 years old, but the way her career has been going lately, you would think she had scurvy or something. I guess since no one is calling, she decided to use the patented Lindsay Lohan guide to getting attention by showing off her girl parts. Works for me. If my grandma looked like this, I might pay her a visit on Chickasaw Lane.

Next we have Minka Kelly. Who the hell is Minka Kelly? I asked the same question, until I looked her up on IMDB and saw that she is in the new NBC show Friday Night Lights. And since I've watched all 3 episodes of that show and didn't recognize her, I think that shows you that NBC is doing a very poor job of showcasing this hottie. Maybe the drunk fullback on the show will bring out her dirty side...




And last up, one of my personal favorites, Heather Graham. I don't know where Rollergirl has been the last couple of years, but I miss having a little Heather Graham in my life. The only thing that would have been better is if the dress was see through. These are from the same Hollywood Film Fest that Jennifer Garner was heating it up at, so I'd like to put my request in now for tickets next year. I'll be quiet, sit in the back, and keep the drooling to a minimum.





HC