Jordan spreads holiday cheer, Tara Reid MIGHT be sober, Coco's made of rubber, and a Scrubs Christmas

-- I'm going to start off today with a little holiday cheer that Jordan (Katie Price) was trying to spread a couple days ago. I don't really know how this chick got famous besides of course the fact that she has gigantic bazombas but, she ended up spreading something else. At least showed us she had some heart during the holiday season. Not exactly the heart you would be imagining, but check it our for yourself here and here.

-- Some more pictures of a HC favorite, Heather Graham. Who knows where she's been lately, but Boogie Nights 2 just wouldn't be the same without her. Well, without her naked on roller skates that is. Anyway, here are some pictures of her wearing your mother's 1970's rug but there is a bra slip in one picture. Like you care about a bra slip - unless you're 12. Or really hard up to see some boob. Or a very lonely, lonely man.....





-- Here are some new pictures of the new and improved SOBER Tara Reid with short hair. I mean, if she cut her hair, I figure she probably stopped boozing too - yeah right, like you'd believe that. If you did, I have some pictures of Britney wearing panties and not being a fat hog for you to buy. Tara, just because you got a haircut doesn't mean we forgot that your flopped one of your flapjacks out and showed us your Franken-nipple. Oh wait a minute, I see, your hair isn't any shorter in the last picture, it's just trimmed and pulled back. Great, then we can expect a full fledged drunken episode at any minute! That's the Tara we know and love!



-- CoCo's ass is unreal. Seriously, it can't be real. I took Physics in my 3rd sophomore year of college and we learned about quarks and atoms, but nothing about ass cheeks like these. I think this is something that the president definitely needs to start up a national investigation on, we don't have any other pressing matters do we? I honestly don't know what to say, do, or think about these pictures. I mean, she looks pretty hot, but she could just as easily be my Uncle Johnny. I'm so confused!





-- And just to end this post on a bit of a holiday note, here is the Charlie Brown Christmas, performed by the cast of Scrubs. Simply fantastic. So, "for the love of God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and his Technicolor dream coat" watch it!




Happy Holidays ya'll.

HC

Spears slutty again, Love Hewitt & Aniston bikini clad & Posh's pokies

-- Well, hope everyone had a good weekend. So, I opened up my email this morning to see if there was any celebrity naughtiness this past weekend, and what do I find but more Britney Spears pictures. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. They aren't even that special anymore, this time it was just a lace dress number that you can probably pick up at Ho's - R - Us for $9.99 and some pink underwear. Woo-hoo! Way to spice it up Britney. She should really just start wearing pasties and a loincloth. Or better yet, nude colored underwear with pictures of her nips and vag taped to the front. That's classy with a capital K. If you want to see the Queen of White Trash, here she is here and here.

-- Anyway now that I'm done with my requisite Britney / Lindsay / Paris story, on to some better stuff. Like Jennifer Love Hewitt in a bikini. JLove is a sly little girl, always covering herself up so you can't see her enormous chest. Well this bikini isn't hiding a thing. Good for us. Maybe next time we see her she'll be wearing a different suit. It starts with "Birt" and ends with "day".




-- And now in a shocking move, I have more bikini pictures, this time of Jennifer Aniston. Now Aniston has really been out of the public eye ever since her divorce from Brad Pitt. Even when she was dating Vince Vaughn, you didn't see them much unless they were watching the Cubs lose. Well here she is at the beach and I'll tell you something. When did she get that sweet ass? If I'd known she had that when Friends was on, I might have actually watched it. Or at least fast forwarded through it to scenes with Aniston. Maybe she got it as part of the divorce settlement with Pitt. Like maybe it was an ass that he had caught on a safari in Africa and brought it back, but once they split everything, the ass was hers.






-- I know these pictures of Victoria Beckham are old, but I'll tell you one thing I like is, see-through tops and nipples. So, if I want to show pictures of Posh from last year here, here, here, and here that are see-through, I'll damn well do it. If I want to show see through pictures of Eleanor Roosevelt I'll do that too. Don't tempt me. Anyway, I like personally like these pics of Posh because she doesn't look like a mannequin or that she belongs at Madame Tussuad's. She actually looks pretty hot. Even if her nipples look like they belong in Area 51 with the rest of the flying saucers around here. And speaking of those cruise missiles she calls boobs, if you want a decent view of them sans clothing check them out here.

-- And to finish up, I have a couple SNL notes for you. The first one is a hilarious video for you from this past Saturday Night's show. It's called Cock in a Box, and it is comedy gold.





And the second is a picture of Amy Poehler topless on the beach. And no, I'm not kidding. And yes, you may throw up after looking at this picture. And no, I'm not taking any responsibility for your medical bills. And yes, I did look at it and may be permanently scarred. So I leave it up to you if you want to check out what looks to be the whitest woman on the planet sunning topless.


HC

Britney's See-through, Scarlett's a Pussycat, and Pam is Photoshopped

-- First up today, we are going to start right off with the Queen of White Trash herself, Britney Spears. I don't know what's been up with this girl since she filed for divorce from Cletus himself - KFed, but she's starting to drift into Anna Nicole territory here. It started off with a couple exposed bra shots which really aren't a big deal now. Then it went to panty-less escapades and pictures of the cleanly shaven clam. Now that was fun and all for a little while, but honestly, even Britney's beaver can get old after a while. So what has she done now? Well, the only thing that would make sense. Wear a white lace top without a bra of course! I guess I really don't have a problem with her showing us all of her naughtiness one bit at a time, but I just wish she'd make the full leap to Playboy for one major reason......Photo shop.




-- And while we are on the subject of Photoshopping, has everyone seen the newest Playboy? First of all, who really wants to see Pamela Anderson in their Playboy anymore? She's been in it 10 or 15 times already, so does someone go to the new stand thinking they might see something new? Did she grow a 3rd boob while married to Kid Rock or something that I am not aware of?? Let's face the facts, Pam's looking haggard and tired and that barb wire tattoo is about as fresh as the cheese culture in the back of my fridge. One thing she did do that was mildly interesting / entertaining was dress up with the Pussycat Dolls for a show. Not that seeing her in lingerie is anything new, but she finally looks truly at home dressed as a stripper.

-- Another much hotter star also showed up with the Pussycat Dolls lately and no computer altering was needed. Well actually, we could use some computer X-ray glasses right about now but whatever. Beggars can't be choosers. Yes, the one and only hottest woman in Hollywood, Scarlett Johansson stripped down to her skives and shook her moneymaker with the Dolls. Oh Glorious day. And for the millionth time, who do I need to complain to about my ticket being lost in the mail???? Seriously though, these are some of the sexiest pictures I've seen since my grandma got her online dating profile mixed up with my birthday card. What a fantastic 8th birthday that was!





Scarlett's also appeared in some Louis Vuitton ads lately, which the gay guy in the cubicle next to me told me is not a type of liquor but a brand of purse. Who knew gays were so valuable? Anyway, her Pussycat pics are way better, but she is in her undies so I'm not complaining. But seriously, if you are shopping for a handbag and ended up at this site, you are either a complete fool or dip shit. You choose. Either way, here's Scarlett.



HC

Sports Crumbs - 12/13/06

- First up, so NFL notes. The San Diego Super-Chargers are really rolling now. With a shellacking of the Denver Broncos Sunday afternoon, 48 - 20. Along with Ladainian Tomlinson's historic TD romp (who will hereby be known as LTD on this site) the Chargers are on quite an offensive roll. The Chargers have won 7 straight after a road loss to Baltimore in October and swept the Broncos for the first time in 24 years. The Chargers have to be the front runner now to make it to and win the Super Bowl in February. With their offensive weapons of LTD, QB Philip Rivers and All-World TE Antonio Gates alongside a defense that is about as stingy as they come, the road to Miami on February 4th should lead through San Diego. And who can stop them? With Indy sliding and questions still surrounding Baltimore's offense, I think the only way they could get tripped up is in another shootout with Cincy. But then again, Marty Schottenheimer and his 5-12 playoff record is the coach, so who knows. Everyone did anoint the Colts in Week 9, so it should be interesting to see how the rest of the season plays out. And speaking of the Colts, what's going on with them??? Can they recover from this slide?? I say Yes, but I think this slide knocks them down from having home field advantage, which proves costly as they end up in San Diego for the AFC Championship game.

-- A couple baseball notes:

---- Daisuke Matsuzaka is on a plane back to Boston which might be a sign that a preliminary agreement has been reached between himself and the Red Sox. The reports are that the Sox had offered $8 million / year for 6 years and Matsuzaka's team had come back with $11 million / year for 6 years. Are you kidding me? I understand that this a 108-60 career record in Japan with a 2.95 ERA and 1,355 strikeouts in 204 games, but he's never thrown a pitch in the big leagues and he's going to pull in that kind of cash. And where does Barry Zito fall into all this spending? A former Cy-Young pitcher should be able to pull in close to $15 million / year by some over-spending team like the Yankees or Mets. But all in all, I guess in a market where Gil Meche can make $55 million, anything is possible.

---- The Houston Astros pulled off a trade with the Colorado Rockies yesterday for pitcher Jason Jennings. The Astros gave up youth in CF Willie Taveras and P's Taylor Buckholz and Jason Hirsh, but Jennings should give them a solid #2 starter even if he does only have a 58-56 career record. He should be able to replace Andy Pettite's numbers, but obviously won't be able to provide the playoff experience. Along with the aquisitions of OF Carlos Lee and P Woody Williams along with being able to play Chris Burke everyday, the Astros should definitely be able to push the defending World Series Champion St. Louis Cardinals for the NL crown.

-- And lastly, Tiger Woods won his record 8th Player of the Year title in only his 10th year on the PGA Tour. He also resigned with Nike for another 5 years for an undisclosed sum, but his previous deals were first for $40 million over 5 years and then $125 million over 5 years, so one can say he won't be shopping at Salvation Army anytime soon. Oh and by the way, he's still married to Elin and only turning 31 at the end of this month. Lucky bastard.

HC

Salma and Kate's jumblies, Paris and Nikki & Mariah & Mary

-- I found these pictures of Salma Hayek was out last week at some event, showing off her enormous boobies, so I decided I would talk about them again just for the hell of it. But then the news came out that she and the twins were voted 2006 Best Nude scene by Mr. Skin and she got bumped up to story numero uno (That's story number 1 for our non-tamale eating friends). The were for some movie called Ask the Dust and you can watch it here and here. They are kind of blurry and dark, but you can still see those giant jumblies. And honestly, if Salma is naked and doesn't have a mustache and uni brow like in Frida, I'm a fan.



-- Kate Moss was in Jamaica recently showing off her 10-year old boy physique and a couple topless pictures have shown up. You can see them here, here, and here, but I don't know who would want to look at them. Seriously, unless you find virtually non-existent boobs with pencil erasers sticking off of them for nipples attractive, these pictures aren't for you. If her boobs were food, they would be tater-tots on top of half a hamburger bun. Okay, I'll stop. Or, a milk dud on top of a portabello mushroom. Now I'm done.

-- Who knows what the hell these 2 whores are doing, but you can't tell me that you wouldn't mind jumping in the back of that limo for half an hour. Mainly for 2 reasons though. First off, I'd have to ask what the hell they were doing in that 2nd picture (my guess is trading STD's - you can trade them like baseball cards right?) and secondly because Paris has probably done just about everything, so who better to give a Dirty Sanchez too. Actually, I'd only do it if I had my patented Aids - B - Gone spray. In the gallon container.

-- And lastly Mariah Carey is trying to block the porn star / gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey from trademarking her name because she feels there could be some confusion. Damn right there could be some confusion, they are both big breasted bimbos with no talent. Mariah may have sold a lot more albums, but I bet Mary has sold a lot more hummers. And look at their pictures, they actually do look slightly similar. Kind of like how I look like George Clooney and my wiener looks like a horse's junk. Maybe if Mariah wants to stop being confused with a saggy-boobed, slightly flabby porn star, she should stop parading around as a saggy-boobed, slightly flabby pop star.

HC