Scarlett's back, Jessica's back, and HC's back

So as you may have noticed, I haven't posted in a couple weeks. Some of you may call me a slacker, some a lazy jackass. And to tell the truth, I'm a little of both. But in my own defense, you get what you pay for, and you really shouldn't expect any less from a guy who writes a blog about trashy celebrities, occasionally during work hours.

-- My favorite jug-gernaut Scarlett had a couple revealing articles in the last couple weeks that I couldn't pass up. First in Allure she said that:

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not promiscuous."

Popular belief? I thought the general thought on Scarlett was that she was pretty much the "good girl with fantastic cans" surrounded by Hollywood tramps Paris and Lindsay Lohan. But maybe I was wrong. Even if she claims to not be promiscuous, she's still slutty enough to show up in my dreams every Thursday night.

She goes on to get my hopes up by saying:

"I'm not a serial monogamist" and "I do think on some basic level we are animals, and by instinct we kind of breed accordingly."

She finishes off the Alure article by discussing that she is tested for STDs and HIV twice a year. Not quite sure why she threw that out there though, unless she's just trying to look like a responsible adult. Or maybe she just wants to ease the minds of everyone who's been dreaming of being Benicio del Toro and having a steamy rendevous with her in the Chateau Marmont elevator, which by the way is the only way I'd ever consider being that sweaty, greasy cross-eyed pug. Whatever it is, I'm happy she cleared that up for all of us.

The latest on Scarlett comes from filmmaker Michael Bay who told Esquire that,

"Scarlett said, 'I'm not wearing this [expletive] bra. I'm going naked.' I said, 'Scarlett, you can't go naked, this film is PG13.'"

Wha, wha, WHAT???? Are you F'ing kidding me? She WANTED to take her bra off and you denied America this? Are you some kind of commie? Maybe Michael Bay should go back to blowing shit up and I'll handle when beautiful women want to take their clothes off. Can we all agree on that?

-- I guess the Simpson girls took some time off from being photographed by their creepy-ass dad to show off their bras and matching noses the last couple of weeks.

Well, Ashlee showed her bra

And Jessica showed some bra and a little more...

I know you have all seen these fantastic jugs before, but I can't ever pass up a chance to see this rack. Even if her hair is a little f'd up. And she makes out with her gay hairdresser. And she misses Nick Lachey's poser tattoos.

-- I'm sure you all heard that Madonna is using all of her celebrity status, fake British accent and cone bras to adopt some African kid. I don't know if she can speak in clicks already or plans on learning, but what the hell is behind this? Is she trying to compete with hot dog lips herself, Angelina Jolie? Give it up Madonna, you're done. Adopting poor kids from other countries may sound all glamorous but it really isn't. Trust me, I know. Last time I was at the beach, I adopted a hermit crab and boy was he a son-of-a-bitch. Sometimes you just can't please everyone, but at least when I was tired of my hermit crab, I could release him back into my trash can.

-- Some chick named Amber Tamblyn let her nipple loose a couple days ago. Honestly, I had no idea who she was, but apparently she's done great work including starring in Joan of Arcadia and The Grudge 2. Really though, who cares. We've seen her nipple now, so no need to go to the movies to be teased out of that.